Overcoming Beliefs That Hold You Back
So, what’s your dream story? Is something holding you back? The something that held me back was my belief system. I produce this jaw-dropping expression every time I think about the irony of my life. I could not wait to see what the future was going to look like for me after high school, and at the same time, I struggled to choose a career that I didn’t predict would end in failure. I couldn’t get any more mixed up than having that wonderful teenage girl joy and excitement while predicting doom over whatever I desired for my life’s future.
Once I graduated from PT School, I enjoyed my work as a physical therapist, but my job didn’t match my exuberant expectations as a young girl dreaming for a bright, shiny future.
I could confuse any situation if I tried hard enough. Now that was where I found success. My mind would fill with extra questions or scenarios, especially as a Christian. I couldn’t contain the flood of bible verses that came to mind as I faced my future. God was full of infinite love. Yay! But then I thought about how He controlled the judgment of right and wrong. God promised me an abundant life which provided me with great joy as I envisioned my future until I thought about the bible stories of mistakes and heartaches. I believed God was perfect and a perfectly, good Father but could never shake the fear of what He could do.
No one ever tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Beth, you need to know that you come from a family of strugglers.” None of the neighbors or my teachers pulled me to the side and said, “You are going to have to try harder than most people because you just don’t know any better. You haven’t arrived anywhere near the starting line.”
It took a few years, but I eventually reached the conclusion that I didn’t fully ask God to lead my life because of my faulty belief in Him. I believed God is real and created me, but I was concerned if happy endings would be a part of my story. If I could hide from God, maybe my story wouldn’t have a bad ending. I would be nearly forty once I reached out to God to talk to Him about who is He really and what will my future look like if I take decisions out of my hands and place them in His?
I wrote prayer after prayer imagining I was dreaming again for the first time as a high school graduate in great anticipation of a wonderful future with a loving Father. I talked to Him about the fear of the future of how my story might end in heartache if I fully trusted God with my life. I admitted outloud how I loved hearing Jesus would save me. And if I was completely honest, I didn’t have confidence with where God might guide me.
I am happy to say I am way past the starting line now at the race called “Finding What You Are Made to Do.” I gave myself an F in my ability to interpret what the Bible says about God. I deserved a lower grade but there isn’t a grade lower than an F! I do give myself an A in the class called “Learning from Your Mistakes.” I learned that believing in God halfway and half-heartedly was a big mistake.
I encourage you, or better yet, I challenge you to examine your life and talk to God about your belief in Him. Your life is worth it to walk the road with Him to search for your abundant future together. You are worth it, too. I believe God loves me no matter what, no matter how much mess a day can hold.